How many days?

I bought tickets to our trip to Disneyland last night, we are going on December 19-22 (I think). It is a planned trip of Michael and his soon to be wife, Becca. We were invited a few weeks or months ago. We are really looking forward to this trip. We haven't ever been able to take our kids anywhere fun, other than the public swimming pool (and I am still convinced that if they don't go anywhere else they might never know what they are missing).

Anyways Michael and Becca invited me a while back and I said sure works going good I've got some vacation time saved up, why not? They, Mike and Becca, are pretty regulars at Disneyland but it has been many many years since I have been and I thought what the heck, it will probably be tons of fun with them and the two kids. So this was our original plan just the 5 of us. Well someone got this great idea, why don't we invite Mom and Dad, then when the kids get tired the "Grandparents" can take them back to the hotel and the "adults" can stay and enjoy some more fun later in the evening. So our trip grew to 7. Now what about Eric, the only other child living at home (oh no I just had a terrible thought, WHEN DOES DANIEL COME HOME FROM PANAMA? I gotta call my mom tomorrow and confirm that either he won't be home yet or we won't be missing him come home while we are at Disneyland) so Eric is coming along also. Like I always say the more the merrier that makes a total of 8.

But it only gets better, and I know that this is going to sound really strange and maybe messed up because of how life has been going lately. I mentioned our trip to Karolain, yes the wife that is living on her own. No things aren't that great yet, but I guess after all is said and done you gotta keep trying wherever and whenever you can to make things right. Of course she is interested in going to Disneyland, and yes she says under the pretext of she has a 5 and a 2 year old, who wouldn't want to go. I am not saying that I had any alterior motives for asking her to go, yes after all is said and done I do and I will state it to anyone that I don't want to go through what we are going through. Would I sacrifice a good time with the kids and family to maybe make something good happen in our little family. If something good happens then hurray for it, if nothing does happen and we still can't be a family then I will just have to keep trying harder and keep doing everything to once again have my family back.

Anyways the clan is up to 9 now all said and done, two cars was probably going to have to happen anyways, we were always going to get two hotel rooms (who wants to live through the nightmare of sharing a hotel room with their parents - Eric you are the one that is going to have to sacrifice one for the team this time).

So back to the matter at hand I bought the tickets last night and don't think I am getting the excitement out of the kids that I was expecting. I think tomorrow I might have to make one of those calendars that counts backwards until the day something really special happens. Because it must only by like less then 50 days until we finally make it to Disneyland. We will have fun with those that wanna have fun and the rest are just going to have to make due with what they got.

Moving Forward

I figured out recently that there really are few things that you can control in this life. I was reading my older sister Sarah's blog this evening and realized that kids get to be even one of those things that aren't controllable. Really the only darn thing that can be controlled in this life is your own personal life. It really does feel good to be heading in the right direction again. I had a conversation with a friend earlier this week in where I realized that a testimony is not a diminishing thing, rather what happens is the fact that we veer away from our own testimonies and maybe don't wanna believe what we know is true. Sadly even thinking that maybe it isn't convenient to believe it at the time. This turned out being a very sad realization and also maybe about 9 months late. Another important thing that was learned this week is the importance of forgiveness, I always thought that I was a pretty forgiving guy but over the last few months have realized that I am not and it is a character flaw that has been causing lots of problems lately. Yes it is hard but it is actually pretty easy compared to some of the consequences of not forgiving and holding onto things for way to long.

Yes we are all human, we all make mistakes, and there really aren't worse mistakes than others (ok murder probably the only one that I can think of now), all mistakes are bad and each one has its way of causing problems.

This friend that I chatted with reminded me once again, as my mother did so long ago and my older sister, that one really can't move forward at all without first making their own life correct and take the 180 degree turn. So in conclusion just be right with yourself and the man upstairs and then try your darndest to make things right that have gone wrong with others, but it really won't and can't work without first getting your person in order then having the help of the man upstairs to guide in the right direction.

This might make sense to some and maybe not to other but I really just needed to put some of these things down on paper. I would also like to thank any prayers or fasting that there have been for this little family and I will keep fighting for it every waking hour and with the help of the man upstairs.

Thanks