I figured out recently that there really are few things that you can control in this life. I was reading my older sister Sarah's blog this evening and realized that kids get to be even one of those things that aren't controllable. Really the only darn thing that can be controlled in this life is your own personal life. It really does feel good to be heading in the right direction again. I had a conversation with a friend earlier this week in where I realized that a testimony is not a diminishing thing, rather what happens is the fact that we veer away from our own testimonies and maybe don't wanna believe what we know is true. Sadly even thinking that maybe it isn't convenient to believe it at the time. This turned out being a very sad realization and also maybe about 9 months late. Another important thing that was learned this week is the importance of forgiveness, I always thought that I was a pretty forgiving guy but over the last few months have realized that I am not and it is a character flaw that has been causing lots of problems lately. Yes it is hard but it is actually pretty easy compared to some of the consequences of not forgiving and holding onto things for way to long.
Yes we are all human, we all make mistakes, and there really aren't worse mistakes than others (ok murder probably the only one that I can think of now), all mistakes are bad and each one has its way of causing problems.
This friend that I chatted with reminded me once again, as my mother did so long ago and my older sister, that one really can't move forward at all without first making their own life correct and take the 180 degree turn. So in conclusion just be right with yourself and the man upstairs and then try your darndest to make things right that have gone wrong with others, but it really won't and can't work without first getting your person in order then having the help of the man upstairs to guide in the right direction.
This might make sense to some and maybe not to other but I really just needed to put some of these things down on paper. I would also like to thank any prayers or fasting that there have been for this little family and I will keep fighting for it every waking hour and with the help of the man upstairs.
Thanks
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7 comments:
Hey Paul, I just want you to know that there are some of us out here that really think alot of you and respect the good person you are. I really don't understand why you have to have the difficulties that you are having right now but I do know you will get thru them. I know you will find peace and happiness. I just wish I could make it now for you! (I am G'ma BJ's daugher)
Paul, I love you. I'm proud of you and all you've done and are doing for yourself and your little family. You are going to get through these hard time with the Lord's help, I know you will. Muchos Besas. . .Sarah
I too am sorry that things suck right now. We think the world of you and your kids. It sounds like you are trying so hard, and the Lord knows your heart. He knows what we can't see down the road, and why things happen that we don't understand. Still it would be nice sometimes for us to have that knowledge. You are a good father and a good person.
I'm glad that you're seeing a little hope. You're so RIGHT that we can't control everything (just talk to Adam about that). Nine months really isn't that long. It's just a short break to give you some time to think and sort through things. Taking care of little kids is SOOO hard! But I can see in their faces that they are loved. They are so cute and sweet and happy. Oh, and if you want a good laught, read "the joys of parenting" post on my blog.
remember the serenity prayer? i don't know why but that was also a revelation anew for me too... that if you are right with that "man upstairs" all will be well and work together for our good. i don't know why i have to re-realize this all the time???
happy tear for you a rollin' down.
I just read in Mosiah 23-24 about the people of Alma. They were doing everything right when all of a sudden they found themselves in captivity to the Lamanites. They had done nothing wrong! But then just a few short verses later, the lord delivered them. I don't even remember this happening to them, because it's so briefly mentioned. It gave me a little hope in the midst of my petty trials and hope it will you, too.
We love you guys and miss you. You are a good person and a good father. Keep fighting for your little family, and we'll continue keep you in our prayers. Hang in there.
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